Predicting relationship failure

John Gottman’s research on predicting interpersonal relationship failure should resonate with vendor managers. Gottman’s team, profiled in the Australian Financial Review and Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, has identified four traits that, if present, indicate that the relationship has an 85% chance of failure. The odds of failure increase to 97.5% if one party's attempts to repair the relationship are not reciprocated. The St Cloud St University website describes the traits as follows:

1. "Criticism: Any statement that implies that there is something globally wrong with one’s partner. Usually starts with “you always” or “you never”
2. Defensiveness: A general stance of warding off a perceived attack. Unfortunately, defensiveness usually includes denying responsibility for the problem, and this fuels the flames of conflict because it says the other person is the guilty party.
3. Contempt: Any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts oneself on a higher plane than one’s partner, i.e. mocking. Another example would be correcting someone’s grammar when he or she is angry with you. (There is a universal facial expression for contempt) …
4. Stonewalling: Occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction. Stonewallers look away and down, maintain a stiff neck, vocalize hardly at all - in effect, convey the presence of an impassive stonewall."

Gottman describes contempt as the “Sulphuric acid of love” and its presence is the single best predictor of relationship failure.

So, the lesson: If you see these traits, particularly contempt, in one of your vendor relationships, you should start hiding your assets!